Damn, A.D.D.

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Isn't this graphic hilarious!
BITCHES, SEE HOW CRAZY THIS GRAPHIC IS?
That's like the inside of my head i swear!!
Sausage party everyday in the head!

So ever notice how i cut you off while you re in the middle of a story and I start talking?? Well it's probably because I was daydreaming while you were talking.
OR I have to get out what i have to say or else i will forget!



Damn, A.D.D.

So, did you ever go to the freezer to look for the Ziploc of frozen corn for dinner only to finally find it 2 days later in the cabinet with the pots and pans?

Damn, A.D.D.

So did you ever misplace your humongous box of cereal only to find it in the fridge later that night?

Damn, A.D.D.

So, (this is an oldie) did you ever drive to school then ride the bus home then get ready for work walk outside and think your car was stolen??

Damn, A.D.D.

So, do you ever drive somewhere daydream the whole time and wonder how you even made it back home? That's me on the road everyday! SCARY!



So have you ever dropped out of college algebra 3 times?

Damn, A.D.D. Math is so boring!

If this is you then you need to take the A.D.D test. I tease about having it for a while now but i have so much clutter going on up there its amazing I function as well as i do! I took the test i have moderate A.D.D. lol! I knew it!

This could work.............

This one might actually work.

Pass it on!


JUST THINK THERE WAS A FIGHT STARTED OVER TEA... I hear we are going to hit over $ 4 a gallon by this summer and
it might go higher!! Want gasoline prices to come down?
DO NOT BUY GAS FROM CITGO OR MOBIL!
We need to take some intelligent, united action.



When we didn't buy gas for a day, the oil companies just laughed at that because they knew we wouldn't continue to "hurt" ourselves by refusing to buy gas. It was more of an inconvenience to us than it was a problem for them.



BUT, whoever thought of this idea, has come up with a plan that can
really work.



Please read on and join with us!

By now you're probably thinking gasoline priced at about $2.

is super
cheap. Me too! It is currently $3.75 for regular unleaded in my town.



Now that the oil companies and the OPEC nations have conditioned us to
think that the cost of a gallon of gas is CHEAP at $1.50 - $1.

75, we need to
take aggressive action to teach them that BUYERS control the marketplace..
not the sellers.



With the price of gasoline going up more each day, we consumers need to
take action. The only way we are going to see the price of gas come down is if we hit someone in the pocketbook by not purchasing their gas! And, we can do that WITHOUT hurting ourselves.



How? Since we all rely on our cars, we can't just stop buying gas.



But we CAN have an impact on gas prices if we all act together to force
a price war.



Here's the idea:
For the rest of this year, DON'T purchase ANY gasoline
from the two biggest companies (which now are one), EXXON and MOBIL and Citgo.





Try to buy from like Kangaroo, BP, Phillip's 66, Chevron, Shell, or Q-Gas.



If they are not selling any gas, they will be inclined to reduce their
price.



If they reduce their prices, the other companies will have to
follow suit.



**But to have an impact, we need to reach literally millions of Exxon and
Mobil gas buyers.



It's really simple to do! Now, don't wimp out on me
at this point...keep reading and I'll explain how simple it is to reach
millions of people!!

I am sending this note to 400+ people. If each of us send it to at least ten more (400 x 10 = 4,000) ... and those 4,000 send it to at least ten more
(4,000 x 10 = 40,000)...and so on, by the time the message reaches the sixth
group of people, we will have reached over FOUR MILLION consumers.



If those four million get excited and pass this on to ten friends
each, then 40 million people will have been contacted!

If it goes one level further, you guessed it..... FOUR HUNDRED MILLION
PEOPLE!!! Note: I realize there are only around 300 Milliion in the U.S.

,but the more people we contact it might actually get to the right person!!

but again, even if you just send this to, say 10 friends....and they pass it on...how long would it take? If each of us sends this e-mail out to
ten more people within one day of receipt, all 400 MILLION people could
conceivably be contacted within the next 8 days!!!

I'll bet you didn't think you and I had that much potential, did you!
Acting together we can make a difference.



If this makes sense to you, please pass this message on. ***This is not a virus or scam or chain mail or tracker, or any of the other funky things out there that try to mess up your computer. This could really work.



I suggest that we not buy from EXXON UNTIL THEY LOWER THEIR PRICES TO THE $2 RANGE AND KEEP THEM DOWN. THIS CAN REALLY WORK.



It certainly can't hurt to try, right? I think we could all use more money back in our pockets.

GOOD IDEA, NOW LETS SEE IF WE CAN GET EVERYONE OT DO THIS!

SHUCKS........

So my sister told MY MOTHER that I couldn't make it out tomorrow night and my Mom said "AWE, SHUCKS!" WTF? Has anyone used that phrase since 1985? really? AND more importantly does anyone really know what that means???

Well guess what? I will tell you......

The expression 'shucks' may derive from worthless "shucks" or husks of corn, but the interjection, used to express mild disgust or regret, first recorded in 1847, is thought by some to be simply a euphemism for "shit"

So what you really meant is AW SHIT! right MOM!
don't deny it!

EVEN the "URBAN" Dictionary says the same thing!.......

1.Shucks is a portmanteau of the words "shit" and "fuck". Instead of saying "shit-fuck", you'd say "shucks".

You can mask the word all you want but we all know what you are really trying to say!

Sorry, I can't make it out! Have fun!

AWE, shucks bitches I'm out of time, have a good one!

Happy Mothers Day!

A Happy Mothers Day to all my bitches young & old!

A special Happy Mothers Day to the best Mom ever!


Also,A Happy Mothers Day & Happy Birthday shout out to my good friend Amy Yount!
Hope you had a great one!



So, Today we will learn how Mother's day was created....

Anna Jarvis.... of Philadelphia decided that it would be a wonderful way to honor her deceased mother. Two years later, Jarvis and friends began a letter-writing campaign to create a Mother's Day observance.

Soon after, in 1914, the US Congress passed legislation designating the second Sunday in May as Mother's Day.

Bet you didn't think you would be learning anything on MY blog did ya? lol!

So last mothers day my mom found out I was engaged. This Mothers Day she got to put down a deposit on my reception hall lol! Thanks Mom & Dad!

(BTW My reception is Friday June 5th 2009 mark your calendars!)

We went to Fast eddies if you haven't checked out their new beer garden it is fabulous!

Then we went to Piasa Winery


It is almost underwater with all the flooding going on!




Then we went to the casino. I didn't win but of course Mom & Dad did as usual! It was an awesome day! Hope you all have a great day as well!

POPULAR MOMISMS!
how many of these do you remember hearing or saying?!




Money does not grow on trees.
Don't make that face or it'll freeze in that position.
If I talked to my mother like you talk to me....
Always change your underwear; you never know when you'll have an accident.
Be careful or you'll put your eye out.
What if everyone jumped off a cliff? Would you do it, too?
You have enough dirt behind those ears to grow potatoes!
Close that door! Were you born in a barn?
If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.
Don't put that in your mouth; you don't know where it's been!
Be careful what you wish for, it might come true.
Don't eat those, they will stunt your growth.
If you don't eat those, you will stunt your growth.
What's meant to be, is meant to be. (Mom only used this when something bad happened or when you experienced a disappointment.)
It doesn't matter what you accomplish, I'll always be proud of you.
I hope that when you grow up, you have kids "Just Like you"! (Also known as the "Mother's Curse")
Because I'm your mother that's why.
This is why we can't have nice things.
If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times.
Eat your vegetables, those children in China (Africa, Vietnam) would be happy to have some broccoli to eat! (
If you fall out of that tree and break you leg , don't come running to me.
"Cheer up, the worst is yet to come." Usually said in advance of grounding.
Someday your face is going to stick like that.
Yes, I *AM* the boss of you.
Because I said so.
Just wait till your father gets home.
No dessert till you clean off your plate.
I brought you into this world and I can take you OUT !!
I've got eyes in the back of my head, that's how
Get that thing out of your mouth! (or nose)
Just you wait until you have kids of your own - then you'll understand
You tell that bully to cut it out or you'll tell the teacher...
I slave for hours over a hot stove and this is the thanks I get?!
Honestly... You'd lose your head if it wasn't screwed on! (This was said to Sheila a lot!)
Honestly, that cardigan looks great on you - the girls had better watch out with you around!
Bored! How can you be bored? I was never bored at your age.
Who'll end up walking, bathing and feeding it...?

MY MOM'S FAVORITE QUOTES WERE:

DO YOU THINK I'm MADE OF MONEY?
YOU BETTER MARRY RICH!
WHAT TIME DID YOU COME HOME LAST NIGHT? LOL!

THE WORST was when Mom said "TONI KRISTINE!!!!!" that's when you know you are in trouble! That's the whole reason middle names are made!

The Evolution of Mom

Check out this video: Vicki Lawrence - Mamas Rap



|

So in honor of upcoming mothers day I thought this was halarious and sounds about right from what I've seen & heard! :)

Evolution of Mom


Yes, parenthood changes everything. But parenthood also changes with each baby. Here, some of the ways having a second and third child differs from having your first:

Your Clothes -

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.

2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.

3rd baby: Your maternity clothes are your regular clothes.

The Baby's Name -

1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites.

2nd baby: Someone has to name their kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you.

3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger falls. Bimaldo? Perfect!

Preparing for the Birth -

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.

2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.

3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.

The Layette -

1st baby: You prewash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.

2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.

3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

Worries -

1st baby: At the first sign of distress - a whimper, a frown - you pick up the baby.

2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.

3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Activities -

1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.

2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.

3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out -

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.

2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.

3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home -

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.

2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.

3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

Sound like anyone you know??? :)

Later, bitches!

Crazy Arabs!

I know, just what you wanted to see today! Old people humping... it happens!

So nothing newsworthy going on on this fine Hump day.
Marissa sent me a crazy looking email check it out!

This will either blow your mind or open your eyes.

AN ENGINEERING MASTER PIECE
During the construction phase......

Dubai, United Arab Emirates





All finished. Notice the size of the palm trees outside. Can you guess what it is ???

Remember, this is in the middle of the desert....
The very HOT desert where temperatures get up to 140 degrees.....


Unbelievable! But true.....

It is a self contained Ski Resort.......................

YES, it is!

The INSIDE view:







Why is gasoline $3.69 a gallon for regular unleaded?????? !
So the Arabs can ski in the desert, that's why!

Are we stupid or what!

--YES--



Later bitches!

Anonymous???

Okay bitches if you want to leave me comments not to put up BAD pictures of you or not to say the word CUNT. Then you might want to leave your name at the bottom of your comment so I know who you are.

I know you might be thinking oh, we're such good friends she'll totally know it's me but, I have such a blog following now that it could be any of the hundreds of people who read me everyday. lol!

So , short story, short LEAVE YOUR NAME ANONYMOUS ONES! Or who knows I might just have to post a terrible pic of you soon! And you all know I have tons of Ammo!



Later anonymous bitches!

Cinco de Mayo..........

Happy Cinco de Mayo everyone!

I bet there wasn't much grass cutting or house cleaning going on today. J/J !
( Not really though.)

Probably most of you have partied for Cinco de Mayo and don't even know what you are celebrating. Except for Janet & Nancie they might know they're Mexican :)


so today we will learn what exactly is cinco de mayo.......

okay , I looked it up the story is too long AND My A.D.D is kicking in so here's the short of it....

It marks the victory of the Mexican Army over the French at the Battle of Puebla.

It is NOT Mexican independence day!

When people ask me I say it's a Mexican holiday :) or in other words another excuse to drink beer! :) Yeah Corona!

OKAY , I have to tell you about a hilarious thing I saw.

so I was at QT and this car pulls up with like 20 Mexicans in it I swear it was like a clown car! Then they all went inside and bought TAQUITOS at 6:00 AM! CLASSIC!

Don't drink too many margaritas and end up like this guy!

Later bitches!

The "B" Word

So , if you ever read my comments you would see that MY MOTHER wanted to know if I had to use the "B" word. C'mon Mom I believe that I've heard much worse come out of your mouth before. (Someone back me up here). Besides that it's a new day and age.

Me, Mom & Grandma


You hear it all over TV and radio and if the FCC hasn't outlawed it like everything else I think it's fair game.

Bitch isn't a bad word anymore Mom, EXAMPLE:
I had a bitch'n time at the lake.
Bitch please!
or the ever popular what's up biotch!

I understand everyone has their most hated words though.

My Grandma hates the phrase "that sucks!" although it never stopped me from using it Why you ask?? Because my Grandma is always telling me stuff that scars me for life really! I would repeat it but its too horrifying!

Chrissy hates the word pussy so I make sure to try and say it as often as I can :) Chrissy, Isn't this PUSSY CAT cute?!


My most hated word is dewey decimal system . Don't know why but i hate it! Try to get me back with dewey decimal system Chrissy I dare ya! I still don't read or go to libraries because of this!

I would love to hear what your most hated words are and I promise I will not use them against you lol!


Mom I know lingo has come a long way since your day.

So, next time you feel like saying that's crummy..........say that sucks!
when you feel like saying that's just wrong ..say thats bullshit
and when you feel like saying that's a bummer ....say that's a BITCH!

That's all I got Bitches! talk to you tomorrow!

Adventures in Babysitting!

Me, Alli, Jimmy, Jenna, & Cassie

So, if any of you know my friends the Clausers you know they LOVE the Cardinals & now they have a gaggle of kids so its harder for them to go out and have a good time.


Whats a gaggle you ask? Well I looked it up and it means just what i said....
an often noisy or disorderly group or gathering. hence, The Clauser house

So, being the GREAT friends that we are Marissa, Sheila and myself volunteered to gaggle-sit friday night.

I brought Alli over her fav. pizza doens't that look tasty! Be thankful you dont have a milk allergy.

Alli was great we played dress up. Sorry she turned out looking like a call girl lol!

We did the swing,



We watched the I'm fucking Matt Damon video on You tube she really enjoyed that! then sheila talked her into getting tattoo when she gets older. After that we played drinking games until she finally passed out. Man, that girl can drink!
All in all I think we are some pretty good role models for a young impressionable girl.

I successfully made all 3 babies cry so I'd just hand them off to Marissa and then they would all be quiet she's like the baby whisperer. She's awesome! anyone need a sitter call Marissa!

Everyone was good. we had no poopy diapers, and Alli went on the pot yeah! Sorry Jimbo I know you were hoping for the worst. I fed them all Hershey's syrup just before i left though just for you.

The girls got us good though gross! I still smell baby barf!


It was quite the adventure. I still dont know how Chrissy & Jim stay sane they must be on some good drugs. Jim has quite the pharmacy! . :) I found these in his medicine cabinetSeriously, Im glad they got to go out TOGETHER and have some fun! The Cards won and they got into a fight with some Cubs fans and got them thrown out of the stadium now that sounds like a night on the town!!


And now for my public service announcement:.................

DO YOU WANT TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN A CHILDS/PARENTS LIFE??

LOOK AT THIS CHILDS FACE........ For absolutely no money out of any ones pocket you could watch this child as she sings along to mickey mouse and 1981 VHS tapes of its a small world and as an added bonus we will throw in 2 sisters and a brother for hours of diaper changing enjoyment. Volunteers call 314-921-XXXX operators are standing by...

BITCH BOYS!

Did I ever tell you guys that YES I am a boss to some people at work. Not the paycheck I can fire you boss but, I get to have guys do stuff for me all day long and they HAVE to do what I say.